We all have them, the days that the memories are bigger and stronger than our ability to control the emotions that come with them. Sometimes it is pictures that set them off. Mom and I went through a bunch of pictures this weekend and that wasn't too bad. We each had someone else there to share those memories with that made it a bit easier. Other times it is brought on by something you want to share with her. I ran across something the other day and my first instinct was to pick up the phone and tell Sandi.
Then there are the times someone who doesn't even realize it will say something that brings on such a wave of grief that you fear it will knock you over with the strength of it. I don't ever want my friends to feel that they have to walk on eggshells around me and not mention their sister's or other things that might bring up memories, much of the time those memories are good and even if they make me sad they are manageable. Funny how one unintentional mention of a sister who was hard to get off of the phone with totally changed my day. All of a sudden I wanted more than anything to spend just a few minutes on the phone with Sandi, to share my joys with her. She saw things the same way I did and found the same things funny and would see the irony in things that make me roll my eyes. I have been sitting here having a sad day, I figure I am allowed once in a while. After all, it has only been three weeks, three days and about two hours.
As I sat here having a teary moment (which I have to say is much less of a relief than it usually is when you have three kids around to witness it) Katie came in to my room to tell me that there was someone at the door. As I had been singing out loud to songs on my Ipod only moments before I asked her quietly if that person was standing in the entry or if they were still outside! Luckily it was not someone that she knew so they were outside. God must have known that I needed a boost today because the beautiful plant above was delivered from my hand bell choir at church. I can't tell you how much I needed that pick me up today! Thank you ladies!
I am going to go back to having my sad day, but with a bit more feeling that I am loved even if I have this huge hole in my heart. I am sure tomorrow I will be back to my cheery self.
Posts
1 comment:
Kristi,
I graduated with Sandi. I wasn't able to make it back to Missouri for her funeral because we recently moved to Georgia. We were home last week for a visit in Rolla and a family reunion in Branson. My husband, kids, and I stopped by the corner of Hwy. 60 and Hwy. 65, as you described before, and I was able to place a metal butterfly on Sandi's grave. I know Sandi was a special girl and that you were very close. Sending you ((HUGS)) from Georgia,
Shelley (Wells) Smith...class of '91
Post a Comment