New year....

To quote Natasha Beddingfield....."Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten". ....


I am in the car with the kids and Kevin heading back to Omaha after an amazing week where we managed to see just about everyone that we needed to see. We started out at home for Christmas and packed up the car the next morning to drive to Rolla where we visited with mom and dad and got to see Jess and Nancy to boot! We stayed for two nights and headed off to Springfield where we got to see Mike and the kids and then spent time with Kevin's parents and family. After two nights there we FINALLY got to drive down to Arkansas to stay with friends. We got to attend the annual Millar New Years Eve bash and as I sat there in the wee hours of the first day of the year I listened to Steve singing and watching the family of my heart all in the same place and took a few minutes to think back on the past year and the major changes that have wreaked havoc on my happy world. As I rode in the car today my ipod seems to be in the same mood and has provided a soundtrack for "Kristi's 2008 in review"...

We will start off with a line from Alanis Morrissette, Ironic...

" well life has a funny way of sneakin up on you, When you think everything's okay and everything's going right And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face"

We were doing great, I was loving my jobs, working with the church was finally starting to come together and I liked subbing in the schools too. We went on a cruise to Mexico and had a great week and things were all looking up, BAM....Kevin comes home and says those words that I cringe to hear.." we need to talk". In railroad talk that means "we are moving". Given 24 hours notice everything changed. All of a sudden the carpet was ripped out from under me and Kevin decided to take the job back in Omaha that would mean changing the kids schools and friends and my jobs and friends. While I will agree that this has been a good job change for him it has been brutal for me. We officially moved in the middle of August and have now settled in Omaha. Kind of. The kids seem to be happy enough in school. The twins are more resilient at their age and seem to have handled the change the best. Katie struggles with leaving Amanda behind and it is great to see them together again.

I have been trying as best I can to adjust, There is nothing wrong with the town. We like the amenities that are offered, having Super Target so close is handy, not that I shop there much. As the previous posts point out, we have struggled a LOT to find a church home. St Pauls UMC seemed to be the one but instead lead us to Rockbrook UMC which turned out to be a great place for me as I found a full time job there. The kids don't really care where they are and Kevin is going to struggle more than the rest as he is not used to the traditional service but I say it's good for him considering all of the struggles I have had otherwise. Hopefully the job will be what I need to bring me out of my horrible moods and attitude. I started the week before Christmas and think I like it so far. The hard part will be not being able to go back to Arkansas for the summer like I had planned! Maybe I can still work out a vacation around my birthday!

Until I sat on Stacey's couch and watched all of my friends I didn't realize however how jealous I am that they all get to see each other everyday. (ok, they don't anymore but that is their fault, they could if they tried harder). I wanted to sit there and cry because of how much I miss that. It hasn't gone away. I was thinking that it was getting easier and better and that the people I have met here would help with that huge hole in my heart that is still breaking. Don't get me wrong, I have met a few people and Angie has helped to keep me sane but there is something about friends that already know everything about you! Jo and Marty, Stacey and Don, Tammie and John, I miss you all every minute of each day and hate that I don't get to see you everyday anymore.

I don't usually make new years resolutions but I had one hope for the year 2008, that was to be better than 2007. Losing Sandi made 2007 a brutally hard year and I thought that it had to get better. While nothing that we went through in 2008 was quite as bad as that, we did lose my Aunt to Cancer and to be seperated from the people that have grown closest to me since losing Sandi makes it hard to think that it was any better. I know that God won't give me anything that is harder than I can bear but I sure would like a chance to heal my heart for a while before I have to face the next blow. I think that I am going to make the same wish for 2009, Please don't make it as bad as 2007 and 2008, I don't know if I can take it!