There are days...

We all have them, the days that the memories are bigger and stronger than our ability to control the emotions that come with them. Sometimes it is pictures that set them off. Mom and I went through a bunch of pictures this weekend and that wasn't too bad. We each had someone else there to share those memories with that made it a bit easier. Other times it is brought on by something you want to share with her. I ran across something the other day and my first instinct was to pick up the phone and tell Sandi.

Then there are the times someone who doesn't even realize it will say something that brings on such a wave of grief that you fear it will knock you over with the strength of it. I don't ever want my friends to feel that they have to walk on eggshells around me and not mention their sister's or other things that might bring up memories, much of the time those memories are good and even if they make me sad they are manageable. Funny how one unintentional mention of a sister who was hard to get off of the phone with totally changed my day. All of a sudden I wanted more than anything to spend just a few minutes on the phone with Sandi, to share my joys with her. She saw things the same way I did and found the same things funny and would see the irony in things that make me roll my eyes. I have been sitting here having a sad day, I figure I am allowed once in a while. After all, it has only been three weeks, three days and about two hours.

As I sat here having a teary moment (which I have to say is much less of a relief than it usually is when you have three kids around to witness it) Katie came in to my room to tell me that there was someone at the door. As I had been singing out loud to songs on my Ipod only moments before I asked her quietly if that person was standing in the entry or if they were still outside! Luckily it was not someone that she knew so they were outside. God must have known that I needed a boost today because the beautiful plant above was delivered from my hand bell choir at church. I can't tell you how much I needed that pick me up today! Thank you ladies!

I am going to go back to having my sad day, but with a bit more feeling that I am loved even if I have this huge hole in my heart. I am sure tomorrow I will be back to my cheery self.

What happens at small group stays at small group!

Besides, we would have just had to do dishes if we had used plates! Plans were made for the summer small group womens retreat in July and talk even was made about forming a small group ladies group for golf! And Kevin thought we would be boring! I think after last night BORING is definitely NOT a word that Kevin would use to describe us!


Thank you Jo for hosting such a great evening. Better stock up on Sprite!

Garden Fairies

We finally arrived home today after being gone for what seems like months on end, (oh, wait...it was). Sandi's funeral is finally over leaving us with nothing to do but face the fact that she is truly gone. She passed away one week ago today and the past week seems like such a blur. We were all so happy to be helping with the details because it kept us busy and let us honor her memory. I was not looking forward to coming home with three overtired and cranky kids and when we got here the girls and I were making a mad rush for the bathrooms so I totally missed what had happened right in my front yard.

Apparently while we were gone the Garden Fairy made a visit and weeded and mulched and put in some beautiful flowers. There is also a very pretty statue of an angel with a bird on her hand that just seems so appropriate. I cried when I saw it, and I was so proud of myself for making it all the way to three in the afternoon without crying about anything too!


All I can say is thank you Garden Fairies, I love it. What an amazing tribute to my sister, that is unless it was just your way of telling me that it was time to weed and mulch because you could no longer see the forest for the trees!

Trying to blog more

It has been a crazy spring and we didn't want it to end this way but unfortunately my sister passed away this past Sunday. She fought colon cancer for a little over 4 years but it would seem that God needed her more than we did. I think there are a lot of us here that would disagree but she was so very uncomfortable in what her body had become that I think in many ways she is happier where she is now. We love and miss her dearly.

Because of Sandi and the way that she has handled her illness, many of us find ourselves changed in many ways. I always gave her grief about the fact that she always sounded like Pollyanna. In everything she did or anything that happened to her she always saw the silver lining. I find myself being the same way these days. I mention that it is unfortunate that she died but didn't it work out well that she didn't die two days earlier on my twins birthday. It is unfortunate that we had to cancel our family vacation and not stay at the beach this summer like we had looked forward to but then I realize that it would have meant cancelling anyway and we would not have been with her when she died because we were supposed to have checked in to the rental the day before. I guess this is one of those things that will alwyas stay with me about Sandi. She was the eternal optimist even when she was sick and confined to a bed for the last three months of her life. I know that is part of what she meant by God using her to reach others.

Ok, enough sad for this post, I have a funeral to go to this afternoon so I will get all the sad I need later today! I am going to try to post more now that I no longer need to maintain two blogs. I have gotten pretty good at blogging on a fairly regular basis, it just hasn't been here. I will try to do better!