A Relay and Mothers/Aunt's Day

I hope everyone out there had a great Mother's day weekend. We started it off with the Relay for Life here in Cabot and we raised money and spent money and walked a lot!

It was much better than last year where we were rained out but we still didn't make it all night long. We did however make plans for us to do it again next month in Rogersville. Sandi loved to walk it and made it all of the years she was able. We walked for her in spirit last year while she was in the hospital and it was difficult to have to write in Memory of instead of in Honor of! Logan and Lauren both lit luminaries for their mom and the ceremony was more meaningful with so many names of loved ones to listen for. We had luminaries in honor and memory of too many people this year, I guess we need to keep working to fund raise to help find the cure! The kids had a good time and we had lots of friends there with us so it was a success! The kids even got to sing karaoke a bit toward the end of the evening!

We spent Saturday geocaching with the Bowies and had a lot of fun until it started raining. Logan is hooked on what he calls "finding geo's" I told him I won't take him again until he calls them caches like everyone else!

Sunday we went to church and tried not to make a big deal about the fact that it was mothers day. Logan and Lauren were spending their first without their mom so we didn't want to point that out all day long. After church I drove the kids back to Harrison where Mike met us to take them home. I can't even tell you how awesome it was to spend the weekend with all five of my kids!

Happy Mother's day to all of you that take care of anyones kids! Yours, mine or ours!

And the hits keep coming...

Dear God,

You know, I didn't make a new year's resolution this year. I decided that I didn't need one. All I wanted out of this year was for it to be better than last year and for things to ease up a little. That said we were starting to get into a routine. Losing Sandi was hard last year, I still cry and think of her daily. I think she is probably the reason I don't blog as often as I should because who wants to have that in their face every day.

We were doing much better and things were moving along smoothly until Aunt Maureen passed away last month from Lung Cancer. Really God, didn't we learn enough from losing Sandra that way? Aunt Maureen was wonderful, she always made Sandi and I crochet animals, we still have them. She also picked out the cutest outfits for Christmas. She was in her 70's and had made peace with her illness but losing her was still hard and had the added effect of bringing to the surface what we went through with Sandi so recently.

Kevin and I left for our cruise to Mexico just two days after I got back from the funeral and had a great time (more on that later, whole other blog!) and I was sure that we could get back to some semblance of normal, plans were being made for the summer and things were ok again.

Those of you who know us well know that Kevin really hates his job here. He loves working for the railroad but this job has sucked all of the joy out of his life. He works constantly and is berated by a boss he is unhappy working for on a daily basis. He is home more often these days but is stressed out and unhappy. That said, he loves it here almost as much as the girls and I do. We have a great home, an amazing church and friends that we all get along with. It is so rare to find four couples where all of the kids and all of the adults get along and become as close as we have. We joke about building a compound on the north side of town and living as neighbors too!

Enter Job Offer...

Last Tuesday I hurt my back and was in a lot of pain not to mention being exhausted after two days of track and field organizing and just wanted to take a muscle relaxer and go to bed but Kevin wanted to "talk". It would seem that he was asked if he would consider a job change, not a bad thing. It would require a transfer to Omaha again, REALLY BAD THING! He throws this at me in a weakened and drugged state and I have to say I wasn't terribly charitable. I know I signed on for this, I have known and been mostly happy about all 9 of our other moves in the past 15 years but we are HAPPY here! Have I mentioned that I love my house, my kids are happy here, I love my jobs, I have the best girlfriends that I could ask for, they have held me up through the worst year of my life. I know that this is all in your timing and not ours but did you happen to see the look on my child's face when I told her Sunday night? Did you have to hold her as she cried her heart out? Now I have children who are miserable, a wonderfully supportive friend, one that starts crying every time I mention the move and one that won't even talk to me.

As I prepare to drive to Missouri this morning to help present the Sandra Gaddy Memorial Scholarship tonight I am excited to get to see Logan and Lauren. You see, they are the hidden casualties here too. Not only did I lose my sister, I have lost touch with her kids. Their current situation excludes me almost totally and now we are having to move farther away from them. Instead of them being in between us and our parents, now they will be two hours out of the way to have to drive to see them. Mike never bothered to visit when Sandi was alive, could you please lay it on his heart to bring them up once in a while now? My heart breaks that I am not a part of their lives now, I don't want to lose them entirely.

So now, I will pack my bags, load the car and drive to Missouri where we will stay in a hotel because I feel like an unwelcome visitor in my sisters home. Tomorrow after the kids go to school, I will go sit in Sandra's closet and cry while I do what the kids and Mike do, sit there surrounded by the smell of her clothes before I pack them all in boxes to donate to the needy. Then I will drive home and begin the process of being a "good railroad wife" and do what I have to, regardless of what I really want. All I ask is that you ease up a bit, I am not sure how many more hits I can stand.

Your loving servant,

me